By Antonia Day Interiors 14.11.2023

Moving in With Your Partner? These Are the Red Flags to Keep an Eye Out For

#6 is often overlooked.

As soon as your toothbrush has a place in their bathroom cabinet and your clothes have found themselves a drawer in their wardrobe, you and your partner are probably thinking about moving in together.

It starts with one sleepover a week, then three, and then it gets to the point where you feel like you don’t even live in your own home anymore. But while endless sleepovers and decorating your shared space is an exciting step in your relationship, moving in together can also be a challenging time. Things you might have overlooked before can become dealbreakers when it's your space, too.

Below, we look at seven potential red flags to look out for – and address – before you move in with your partner, so you can both enjoy the next chapter without any regrets.

Red Flag #1: They haven’t lived out of home before

There are a lot of life lessons to be learnt when you move out of home. There’s no one telling you to make your bed in the morning, laundry doesn’t magically do itself, and dinner is something we need to cook for ourselves each night. If your partner hasn’t lived out of home before moving in with you, keep in mind there will be things they aren’t used to doing themselves yet.

How to approach it:
Make sure you have a conversation with your partner about your expectations for living together before you've moved in. Get ahead of any issues by discussing how you will divide the chores, what your cleaning standards are and when it's appropriate to invite others into your shared space. Be respectful and remember, compromise is key!

Red Flag #2: Their schedule doesn’t align with yours

For some people, living with a partner with an opposite work schedule to theirs is somewhat of a dream – hello, comfort-show viewing and ‘girl dinner’ every night! But for those who yearn for company and connection, living with a partner who is rarely home when you are can get lonely.

How to approach it:
Make sure you discuss with your partner what their current work schedule looks like to ensure both of your needs will be met.

Red Flag #3: Where they currently live is messy

This is somewhat obvious but still seems to shock people when they discover their partner of two years “never helps around the house”, even when their previous home was unkept. If the place your partner is currently living in is messy, there’s a high chance they'll bring that mess with them when you move in together.

How to approach it:
Chat with your partner about what they believe to be an appropriate level of mess. Do the dishes need to be washed immediately after cooking, or can they be done the next day? Is it okay to leave shoes or other personal items in the living area? How often should you change your sheets or clean the bathroom? Once you have aligned on a middle ground you're (hopefully) both happy with, discuss what needs to be done by each person to meet this standard.

Red Flag #4: You don’t have the same vision of the future

Whether your dream is to eventually live in a beautiful home behind a white picket fence with two golden retrievers, or in a chic high-rise loft with multiple overseas trips on the horizon, your vision for the future should align – or at least overlap – with your partner's.

How to approach it:
Prior to moving in, make time with your partner to discuss what they want for the future, and if you can see yourself in those plans.

Red Flag #5: Their lifestyle is vastly different to yours

Whether it's late nights at work, early-morning bootcamp or weekend-long parties, it’s important to take into account your differences in lifestyle before moving in together. If one of you can’t function without a sleep-in while the other is up at the crack of dawn, discuss this before moving in to avoid any quarrels.

How to approach it:
Aside from talking it through, it's also helpful to make a plan for how you might respect and accomodate each other's lifestyle choices. For example, if one of you loves cooking while the other wants to order pizza every night, work out how you're going to cater to each preference without compromising your own values.

Red Flag #6: You have different financial habits

We all spend our money differently. Some want the latest and greatest smartphone or luxury bag, some like to take mid-year month-long holidays, some want to save every penny for a rainy day, and others want all of those things and get frustrated when they struggle to achieve them. When you live together, you have a lot of shared expenses, so it's ideal to ensure your spending and saving habits are (somewhat) aligned, to avoid any conflict.

How to approach it:
Sit down with your partner before moving in together to discuss each other's financial habits and expectations. Decide how you will approach rent, bills, food, and other shared expenses, so there are no surprises down the track!

Red Flag #7: They have different expectations for socialising

Before you live with someone, it’s impossible to know what they’re up to all the time if you’re not always with them. They might host their parents at theirs for a roast every Sunday, or head over to their best friend's house every Thursday evening to watch the latest episode of their favourite show. They might be constantly inviting friends over, while you're in the mood for a little self-care Sunday – or vice versa.

How to approach it:
Discuss your existing social habits and commitments, and agree on what responsibility you have to check in with one another before making plans. This will help avoid potential arguments in the future!